Experiencing and the process of consciousness

“Looking Inwards”

People often only ‘wake up’ when they gradually encounter significant life events. The death of a close family member, illness or losing one’s job. It may, of course, also be the case that from a (very) young age, there have been no safe, healthy circumstances in which to grow up. In fact, one could say that if the pain is great enough, the stimulus is often there to look ‘inwards’.
The process of self-exploration may begin.

The observer’s perspective
Self-inquiry requires you to observe from the ‘observer’s perspective’.
You are not your thoughts and feelings. There is an observer behind them who can, as it were, witness everything that is passing by – internally. This is, in essence, your consciousness. Realising this is an important first step.^e Often, people are so identified with their thoughts and feelings that they have completely merged with them. Zooming out just a little can help you realise that thoughts come and go. The same applies to feelings in your body. And even more importantly: this is not who you are(!)

Embarking on the path
When we start looking from the observer’s perspective, it is interesting to see what can be felt in our interactions with others. It is precisely here that old emotional baggage, or triggered) are touched upon. For instance, it may well be that an interaction with a colleague at work makes you feel uncomfortable. You observe this and check in with yourself:

What precisely do I feel here?
Is it discomfort?
Or do I feel a sense of powerlessness, or perhaps sadness?
Or something else?

If you practise observing in this way more often, you may begin to recognise patterns. ‘Hey, I recognise this discomfort from my interactions with a teacher back in the day’ or: ‘last week when I was having coffee with my mum’. Perhaps an image from a memory pops into your mind, or you notice that the feeling is very similar to how it was back then. Your mum and dad, incidentally, are your greatest mirrors and offer you a huge opportunity to observe triggers. Obviously, this isn’t always pleasant, but it does offer opportunities. By learning to observe in the way described above, you gain insight into recognisable patterns and your emotional world.

Some dynamics
As mentioned, our interactions with others offer many opportunities for experience. This provides – from the moment we arrive on this earth – a vast range of possibilities. At the same time, we are also hurt and difficulties arise.

For example, we can be hurt when one or both parents are unable – or only partially able – to be emotionally available. This can occur at a very young age. Where a baby reaches out seeking connection with the mother – and the mother’s emotional or even physical presence is lacking – attachment trauma can arise. This is certainly the case when a baby is literally separated from the mother (e.g. in an incubator) or due to other circumstances. The longer this lasts and the younger the child is when it occurs, the more detrimental it is.
This can manifest later in life as attachment anxiety or fear of abandonment when entering into relationships. There is then a great deal of tension around connecting with others, as this did not happen in a sufficiently safe and secure manner during infancy. As soon as a connection is formed, the old (painful) layer of unrequited reaching out to the other person resurfaces. This can be felt as a (mortal) fear.
These are just a few examples, but there are of course many dynamics that can leave a damaging ‘imprint’. If a parent literally tells the child that they ‘don’t matter’ or are only seen when ‘achievements are made’, then damaging patterns arise that can cause problems later in life. Especially if this has been the case for a long time.
In this way, everyone is conditioned by the family system in which they grow up. Other factors, such as culture, the physical environment (the Netherlands has a different vibrational field to, for example, countries in Africa) and collective/societal factors certainly also have an influence. Naturally, there is much more to explore here in greater depth.

The next step
As you become increasingly skilled at recognising patterns and learn to notice what feelings they trigger within you, you can take the next step. This involves feeling, for example, the anger or sadness in your stomach.
Three fingers below your navel lies your (Hara-pointthe Chakra that resonates with your true essence.
Here, painful emotions can be felt through, allowing them to find a place.
The essence is remarkably simple; putting it into practice can be more challenging. Almost everyone’s first^e instinct is to run away from the feeling, especially when there is pain involved. We are incredibly adept at avoiding or suppressing (emotional) pain and fighting against it. Yet this is precisely what perpetuates the pain. True strength lies in surrendering.
If you are able to stay with the feeling, without wanting to change or understand it, the feeling is given space and can continue to unfold. This allows insights to arise in your cognition. But in the correct order:

Head – gut – heart
and not
Head-Heart

This required practice and therapeutic support can be very helpful here. Firstly, to address your blind spots. If your therapist has the right experience, they will also be able to guide you in connecting with your gut. By experiencing this repeatedly, you will eventually understand how it works and find it increasingly easier to practise this yourself.

It is incredibly helpful if you yourself have the intention to turn your gaze inwards. The stronger your inner focus in this area, the more easily you attract situations. These may be situations that cause pain at first, but which hold the potential for growth. This gives you the opportunity to feel through the pain and come to terms with it. In this way, you peel away layer after layer until you reach the underlying (partial) trauma. This process is characterised by a rhythmic movement:

Action,
And rest.

Observing,
Andletting go.

Time and time again.
Everyone moves at their own pace in this process.

In my view, the key ingredients in this process are:

• Courage
• Willpower: a focused intention to explore the inner world
• Het Confidence that the next step will always present itself (the first^e step already contains the second^e )
• Perseverance
• ‘Believe first, then see’ rather than the other way round.
  The latter keeps you within the limited confines of your mind, whilst the former opens countless doors to wisdom.

In summary:

• The process of self-exploration often begins when the pain becomes intense enough. We want to get rid of it and start looking for relief.
• Consciously observing your own thoughts and feelings from the observer's perspective without identifying with them.
• Exploring which feelings are (triggered)in your interactions with others, such as discomfort, helplessness or sadness.
• Recognizing patterns and learning to observe more and more clearly which feelings are being stirred within you.
• Feeling through emotions such as anger or sadness, rather than avoiding or suppressing them. This process of feeling through takes place in your abdomen(Hara-point).
• Practice and, if necessary, seek therapeutic support to guide the process. Everyone has blind spots, and a therapist can help you gain insight into these too.
• Everyone progresses at their own pace in this growth process.
• Key ingredients are: courage, willpower, trust, perseverance and ‘believe first, then see’.