Dynamics within systemic work

The previous blog focused on family constellations as a working method.

But what actually becomes apparent when we learn to look at things systemically?

Why do some patterns seem to repeat themselves time and again?
Why does certain behaviour sometimes feel bigger than the person themselves?
And how is it that people carry burdens that are difficult to explain rationally?

In systemic work, the focus shifts from the individual alone to the dynamics of which a person is a part.

Not everything that has an influence is immediately visible.
Yet it often manifests itself in behaviour, relationships, tension, physical reactions or recurring themes.

In this blog, I’ll take a closer look at some of the dynamics that can emerge within systemic work.

Not fixing, but phenomenological observation
When I consider the role of a facilitator, for me it is not primarily about applying a technique. Rather, it is about a way of observing. It requires sensitivity to what is happening beneath the words. When we look at a constellation, for example, there are no problems that need to be ‘fixed’, but movements that want to be seen and acknowledged.

Those who learn to observe without judgement see that behind a complaint there is often a system trying to regain its balance.

And it is precisely there – in that space of recognition – that room for change arises.

Back in balance
If systemic observation is not so much solution-focused in the traditional sense, where then do the emphases lie?
In my view, the following principles are important:

• Seeing and acknowledging what is there
• Allowing space for any emotional processes that may arise
• Restoring order
• Letting everyone take their own place

When this happens, movement can arise once more. As a result, symptoms may naturally lose their function.

Recurring systemic dynamics
Let it be clear that there are many dynamics that can manifest themselves and that these do not exist in isolation from one another. Below, we explore some recurring dynamics in more depth.

1. Loyalty
Within systems, unconscious loyalties can develop towards parents or previous generations. Clients may then carry, for example:

• emotional heaviness
• feelings of guilt
• responsibilities that are too great

This loyalty is rarely rational. It often lives on in the body, behaviour and relational patterns. Occasionally interpreted as ‘character’ or ‘personality’.

For example, a client may notice that relaxation triggers unease. As soon as life feels lighter, tension or guilt arises. During the counselling process, it emerges that his mother had been depressed for years. Unconsciously, an inner impulse seems to be at work: ‘I must not have it easier than you’..

2. Parentification
It happens that clients have grown up too soon.
They took on – explicitly or implicitly – a supporting role for a parent, whether emotionally or practically.

From a systemic perspective, the child thereby shifts out of their own place and, as it were, stands ‘above’ the parent. A place where they may feel grown-up and responsible, but (according to systemic principles) do not truly stand in their own power.

If this dynamic manifests at a young age, it is highly unlikely that a child will remain in their own place. One could say that the ‘pull’ of the system is so strong that the child moves away from their place.

For example, a client might say that he finds it difficult to relax when interacting with others. He constantly scans the atmosphere, quickly senses tension and automatically takes responsibility as soon as someone gets stuck. It later emerges that, as a child, he constantly tried to relieve an emotionally vulnerable parent. What was once a form of attunement has become a permanent state of vigilance.

People who carry this pattern often function well (socially) on the outside, but become exhausted on the inside.

3. Exclusion
What has not been given a place within a system often manifests in other ways.
Consider, for example:

• concealed family history
• deceased or unrecognised family members
• excluded family members
• traumas that were not spoken about

When something or someone is systemically excluded, unconscious identification or entanglement can arise in subsequent generations. The client may then exhibit symptoms that are not ‘theirs’, but function as a reminder for the system.

For example, a client may experience unexplained heaviness, anxiety or emptiness, whilst it later transpires that within the family system there was a deceased child, a concealed abortion or an excluded family member. Without being aware of it, a person becomes connected to what was previously not allowed a place.

The symptom is then not merely a problem, but a form of loyalty to the system.

4. Role reversal and role confusion
When the order within a system is disrupted, people may unconsciously take on roles that do not suit them. Examples include:

• children who stand alongside or above their parents
• brothers or sisters who swap places
• partners who treat each other as parent and child
• clients who take responsibility for the feelings of others

A client notices that she constantly takes the lead in relationships and finds it difficult to rely on the other person. During the counselling process, it becomes apparent that as a child she often acted as a mediator between her parents. She felt responsible for the atmosphere at home and, without realising it, assumed a position that was not appropriate for a child. What once helped to hold the system together later carries over into relationships where equality is difficult to achieve.

Or:

Within a family, it can happen that a younger child develops dominant behaviour and thereby, without realising it, comes to stand ‘above’ an older brother or sister. What on the surface resembles character or temperament may, systemically speaking, also point to a shift in the order within the system.

Observational skills
As mentioned earlier, observational skills play an important role in systemic work.
In my view, the following is essential:

The more you examine your own issues, the deeper your sensitivity becomes.
Your ability to pick up on signals from the other person thus becomes increasingly refined and subtle.
This is where an important strength lies for a therapist.

As you learn to listen ever more deeply at this level, you are not only working with the person in front of you, but with the larger whole from which they emerge.