Loneliness – a gateway to true togetherness

Anyone who walks the path of self-awareness will undoubtedly encounter loneliness.
I’d better say that now, for my own ‘peace of mind’😇
Because yes – certainly when I look at my own path – this is a recurring theme.

The minority who look
Anyone who walks the path of self-inquiry will, sooner or later, find themselves in a minority. Especially when this begins at a young age. There are plenty of people who say they are engaged in self-inquiry, but for whom this is mainly visible as a presented, polished image to the outside world.

When it really comes down to it – when old patterns, shadow sides and painful truths need to be faced – the group willing to do so turns out to be strikingly small. One is not better than the other, but this is what I observe.

As I see it, we can view the world around us as a direct reflection of our inner worlds.

I would say, just take a moment to look around you…

Choosing what feels right
Personally, I am selective about who I let into my life. I have no desire to surround myself with drama or maintain relationships that aren’t nourishing. Although this has led to loneliness, I would still choose this 100 times out of 100 over maintaining something that doesn’t feel right. That isn’t in balance.

The layers of loneliness
When I look at the loneliness I encounter along the way, I notice that it doesn’t present itself in just one way. Rather, in layers. Some recognisable and everyday, others quieter and harder to pin down.

Disclaimer: I will undoubtedly not be able to put the entire ‘spectrum’ of loneliness into words, but we’ll give it a go.

When connection fails to materialise
This is perhaps the most recognisable form. Being alone amongst people.
Being present in groups, systems or work environments, yet feeling that you are not truly being met. Not because people aren’t there, but because no resonance is created.
This is about the lack of reciprocity.

Loneliness on an existential level
Beneath that lies a deeper layer.
The realisation that you perceive the world differently.
That you ask questions that are not automatically shared. That you are sensitive to what is left unsaid, whilst those around you are mainly focused on form, function and carrying on.
It is standing alone in a world where not everyone walks the same inner path. Not better. Not worse. But different. And that difference can be felt in everything: in conversations, in pace, in what is and isn’t seen.

You could say: loneliness on an existential level existentieel niveau

Letting go of identifications
As awareness deepens further, another form of loneliness can arise. Not because you become more distant from people, but because old identifications become looser. You no longer automatically fit into roles, beliefs or group dynamics that you previously moved within. That creates space, but also emptiness. You stand more freely. Freer. And sometimes also detached in a way that has not yet found a new foundation.

The layer of initiation
That sounds nice.
And I find it very recognisable.
In many wisdom traditions, loneliness is not seen as a problem, but as a transition.
An initiation. A phase in which the old falls away, whilst the new has not yet taken shape.
That is not necessarily a comfortable place, but it is an honest one.
Those who do not immediately run away from this develop something essential: inner autonomy.
The ability to stay true to yourself, even when recognition is (temporarily) lacking.

Not a plea, or is it?
Although loneliness has often made me despair.
And it can undeniably be painful.
In my view, it certainly doesn’t have to mean that something is wrong.
It can also be a sign that something genuine is happening.

Not everyone will recognise these layers.
And they don’t have to.

But could it be that those who can truly feel loneliness in all its layers.
Do not see it as a loss, a deficiency, or something that needs to be resolved.

Ultimately coming to the realisation.

That loneliness
is actually ‘being together’ ?